Album Review: Lil Wayne "Rebirth" / Young Money "We Are Young Money"

Where to begin?  My hatred for all things Weezy related is a long story, truth be told.  Used to be a big supporter of Lil Wayne.  Waaay back when, when he was makin' you "drop it like it's hot", warning you that "the block was hot", urging you to "get off the corner", songs like "Loud Pipes", "Everything", "Shine".  Hell, the first two Carter albums weren't too shabby either.  Yet somewhere along the line, maybe it was after stealing his image from the Clipse, pretending to be a Blood and turning into a martian relying WAAAAY too heavily on Auto-Tune.  Maybe it was when instead of dropping raw streets anthems with Juelz Santana, he started pandering to the MTV groupies and teenage girls with bullshit songs like "Lollipop" and signing the biggest waste of hype and space in hip-hop history, Drake..aka "Wheelchair Jimmy".  If you have a penis and enjoy Drake's music, please kill yourself.  So needless to say, when I heard Wayne was coming with a rock album, I knew it was gonna be the nail in the coffin.  The album has been pushed back all the way to next February, but the kind folks at Amazon fucked up and released it early, so now it's available all over the internet.  I got my hands on Rebirth and all I can say it is as bad you were expecting and then some.

My main beef with this album...it sounds like a rapper trying to make what he thinks a rock album sounds like, and it comes across as corny and forced.  As much as Wayne tried to convince everyone he was for real, by supposedly learning how to play guitar (and being really shitty at it), it just fails.  He may enjoy rock music, as do I, but that don't mean you're gonna be good at it just because you can rap.  The album mainly consists of his cat-in-a-blender sounding warbles and screams, all accentuated OF COURSE with Auto-Tune.  Someone shoulda told this fuckhead the only time a robot voice is acceptable in rock is in Peter Frampton songs, "Mr. Roboto" and the introduction to "Livin' on a Prayer".  But nope, Wayne insists on using FUCKING AUTO TUNE for the whole course of the album.  The instrumentation and melodies aren't too terrible, no clue who played guitar and drums on here or if it was samples or what, but the music was tolerable.  Once Wayne opens his mouth, he ruins whatever goodwill this album could be building.

Posers will probably enjoy the drugged out anthem "Ground Zero" or perhaps the almost techno-rock like "Da Da Da" where Wayne seems to emulate the Eiffel 65 classic "Blue".  Eminem drops in for a forgettable cameo on "Drop the World" and easily murders Wayne on his own shit.  The Nicki Minaj assisted "Knockout" sounds like something either Avril Lavigne or the All-American Rejects left on the cutting room floor, bringing the embarrassment to amazing new highs.  Wayne gets ultra-gay by remaking "She's On Fire", the classic 80's tune that I THINK was in Scarface but don't quote me on it.  It just seems like Wayne took a whole bunch of shit and threw it at the wall to see what stuck.  A little bit of pop-punk, some new wave-ish shit, some emo sounds, a little bit of old school punk and bam! There's your album.  Problem is, he tries to wear alot of hats and none of them fit.

"But c'mon, Mike, it can't be that bad, can it?"  Sadly yes, but I gotta give credit where it's due.  I enjoyed the lead single "Prom Queen" for its catchy melody.  "Runnin" was also a refreshing bit of real emotion in a sea of robotic voices, constipated whining passed off as singing and cookie-cutter emo-rock guitars.  Other than that, I wouldn't even use this as a coaster; my Cherry Pepsi deserves better.   A God-awful album, but wait...there's more!!!

God, look at that picture.  Looks like a retard version of Fat Albert's Junkyard Gang.  Well there they are (minus Nicki Minaj and a couple of the other hanger's on), Young Money.  Young Money is Wayne's group of rap misfits who, honestly, will probably never release solo albums for fear of eclipsing Wayne's own spotlight.  I mean, look, wasn't Drake supposed to be the next big thing?  His buzz has come and gone and his solo has no release date in sight.  Their debut album, We are Young Money is a collection of obnoxious, hyper-sexual baller rap that is hollow, forgettable and, wait for it....OVERUSES AUTO-TUNE.  The minute I heard Jae Millz use it, I gave up for good.

Basically Young Money is a group of no talent hacks (aside from Jae Millz) who seem to really enjoy having sex.  I mean let's see:  "Every Girl", "Bedrock", "Play in My Band", "Mrs. Parker", "Wifebeater", "Girl I Got You" (which sounds like it should be a '90's R&B beat)..yep every one of those songs is about fuckin' girls.  Which is all good, but gets tiresome.  Especially the fact that they had the nerve to build a whole damn song around a Chris Tucker line from Friday ("Mrs. Parker").  But yeh, I get it...they get alot of pussy.  Supposedly.  We all know Baby and Wayne are secretly together.

"Streets is Watchin'" features a pretty bad David Banner beat, which is shocking...but the hook features a dated reference to Ma$e that'll just leave you scratching your head.  And Nicki Minaj?  Whats the hype?? A sample lyric:  "Been hot ever since Hedgehog/ Sonic The/ Now can you please pass the keys to the Tonica/ I mean the Tonka"...totally mispronouncing Tonka just to force a rhyme?  And she raps in that same irritating, over-enunciating style that Lil Wayne and Drake do, so now it's three times as bad.

The aforementioned "Bedrock" is kiiinda catchy in the way that, if I heard it at the club, I'd enjoy it.  The beat is slick, and Lloyd is dope on the chorus, but seriously: a "Flintstones"/bed-rock reference?  1990 called....
Lil Wayne's two pedophile signings, Lil Twist and Chuckee, show up on the aptly named "Finale", and their inclusion in the group are as boggling as Nicki Minaj is annoying.  Seriously, I wanna punch her in the throat every time she speaks...she is a glorified groupie with a microphone, sit the fuck  down hoe, do something original!!

Rounding out the group are the soundalikes Gudda Gudda and Mack Maine, two useless generic emcees who contribute nothing noteworthy.  Tyga also suffers from the annoying voice/flow syndrome that his compadres have, so I refuse to pay attention to him.  Drake, well, we've discussed him at length already.  He's a piece of trash, undeserving spoiled rich kid posturing alongside Wayne like he somebody.  Please go back to Degrassi, I actually didn't mind you then.  And Jae Millz...damn, Jae Millz.  WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?  You were running your own thing, Most Hated.  You were holding down Harlem.  But you sold your soul to the fucking Gremlin, son.  And for that, you will never be forgiven.  Please, jump ship while you can, you KNOW you ain't gonna get to put out a solo.  Get on your grind again, fuck Wayne and Young Money, Jae Millz, you are a STAR, now go be one and escape this nonsense.

I guess I gotta say something good about this album...I dunno, I liked the song with Gucci Mane ("Steady Mobbin'") and some of the beats were alright.  But this is the weakest collection of emcees I've ever seen.  If you are a fan of mindless, soulless formula hip-hop, then this is for you.  If you have any respect for the genre of hip-hop music or any taste in music at all, you will shit on this CD and feel your heart break just a little bit.  Fuck Drake...fuck Nicki Minaj...fuck Lil Wayne...fuck both of these albums.  Good night.

RATING:  Rebirth:  1 star out of 4;  We are Young Money 1 star out of 4