Sunday Special: "Hoverers"

Taking a break from the album countdown...here is a topic I am sure we can all relate to that was brought to my attention by my sister-in-law, Michelle Robinson. 

I have found in my experience, I don't know what it is about me, maybe I have a friendly demeanor, maybe I just give off an aura.  But when I go out, I am always approached by the most bizarre characters.  I'm a little weird sometimes, my humor is off kilter sure, and once you get to know me, you will agree I'm a bit off the wall.  But I don't present myself that way or convey that to strangers.  Yet somehow, everytime I belly up to the bar for a brew, here comes some looney that slides up beside me and I can't shake 'em for the rest of my time there.

There's a few different scenarios.  Let's say you are out with a group of folks, maybe two or three buds.  You're hanging out, having a good time, maybe there's a game on you're into.  You must be very careful what you say, or yell, when in the vicinity of people who appear slightly inebriated or just lonely.  They will use that as an in to "join your party".  For instance, if the Yankees score a game winning home run and you shout out "WOO! GO YANKEES!" and you and your posse exchange high-fives and daps, be very wary of your surroundings.  A leech may be hovering nearby, and use this kinship as a Yankee fan to ease his way in.
"Fuck yeah, did you just see what A-Rod did?  Awesome bro!"  might be what they say.  It is perfectly acceptable to offer a pound or high-five to this person and agree with their sentiments, but at that point, move away and cease contact.  Because if you don't, questions about "What part of NY are your from?" or "How long you been in Florida?" are sure to follow, as this dude attemps to develop the bromance.  Just keep it moving.

Now if you are at the bar alone, you are gonna have a tougher time.  I pride myself on going places alone, I enjoy the solitude.  I do not try to make buddies when I go to the bar.  But for God's sake, I end up being someone's friend before the night's over.  My main tactic is to look busy.  Keep your eyes glued to your cellphone or a television set.  Do not acknowledge any random comments or joke you hear, no matter how funny they might be or how much you might disagree and wanna put someone in their place.  Now usually it's pretty easy to keep to yourself if all parties involved are sober, people usually won't wanna bother you.  HOWEVER.

Back on July 4th, me and my buddy Mattlok were at the Boondocks, a nice little hole in the wall here in Lakeland.  Minding our business when this piss drunk fool wanders in and out of all the empty spots in the house, where does he sit? RIGHT NEXT TO ME.  For the next fifteen minutes, this guy was leaning against me for support, had his arm around us, offered to hook us up with his daughter, gave me his wallet and told us to buy drinks we want, told us about his time in prison...and made sure to do so while precisely eight inches from my face.  He eventually pissed off some biker at the bar who proceeded to pound his face in, and that was that.  I would have probably done the same eventually, but Matt and I were in a strange bar that was populated with bikers, and we didn't wanna step on any toes and end up on the receiving end of a beating ourselves.

I hate people like this, who have no sense of socially acceptable behavior.  They don't understand personal space, they don't understand yelling and interrupting are rude, they just don't get it.  Frankly it boggles my mind.  Is the first time they ever been out? Do they really have no friends? I just don't understand.

There are exceptions to this rule.  If you are a female, drunk or sober or in-between, you can hang all over me and bother me anytime you want.  Case in point the babe at the Boot-n-Buckle.  Now that was a good night!