"The Karate Kid" Remake: WAX OFF!

I heard rumors of this bubbling for a long time, but I had no idea that it was right on the horizon.  A remake of the 1984 classic The Karate Kid, this time starring Will Smith's son Jaden in the Ralph Macchio role and Jackie FREAKIN' Chan stepping into the giant shoes left behind by Pat Morita, God bless the dead.  I cannot fathom for the life of me who thought this was a good idea.  The Karate Kid is an iconic movie.  Not Oscar caliber, but it's a landmark movie, filled with so many memorable scenes, lines and characters.  The chemistry between Daniel-san and Mr. Miyagi could never be duplicated.  The training sequences, the crane kick, the COBRA KAI, "Get him a bodybag!", "Sweep the leg", "NO MERCY!", etc.  These things do not deserve to be fucked with, and should be preserved.

Now, after watching the first trailer for the updated Karate Kid, it looks mildly entertaining.  I think kids of this generation will enjoy it.  But I have a several gripes.  First off, the kids in the movie are too young.  Ralph Macchio as the teenage Daniel was perfect.  The romance angle was right, and it seemed logical that Miyagi would beat up a bunch of teenage Cobra Kai members when he originally saves Daniel's ass.  In this new trailer, when you see Jackie Chan mop the floor with a bunch of nine years olds, it's not cool or dramatic.  It's like, "Yeah, I would hope Jackie Chan could beat up the Asian cast of 'Barney'".  Plus seeing a bunch of pre-teen kids beat the shit out of eachother just doesn't sit right with me. 

I also could've done without the shitty Ft. Minor music used in the trailer.  If this is a sign of things to come, count me out.  If you're gonna rape the legacy of one of my favorite films, YOU BETTER use Bill Conti's epic score and perhaps an updated version of "You're The Best Around" but whatever teeny bopper band is hot these days.  All Time Low or Paramore or some shit...I would be cool with that.  But shitty ass Linkin Park's off-shoot jerkoff band?  I'll pass. 

I don't know, I just don't like the looks of this.  It's ruining the legacy of Karate Kid.  Without Pat Morita, or Ralph Machio, or Martin Krove as JOHN FUCKIN' KREESE, it's the same.  Hell, you need WILLIAM ZABKA to reprise his role as JOHNNY LAWRENCE.  And I'm sorry, no piece of ass was hotter than Elisabeth Shue in the 1980's.  NOBODY.  So on that note, I am a bit disgruntled and bitter about all this.  But don't take my word for it, watch the trailer yourself.