Livin' After Midnight: The Late Night Wars

 The late night talk show landscape is no stranger to heated rivalries.  Way back when, Jay Leno and David Letterman competed for the coveted "Tonight Show" seat being vacated by the incomparable Johnny Carson (IMO, the greatest talk show host of all time).   Letterman had for all intents and purposes been given his big break thanks to Carson, who used Letterman as a regular guest host on the "Tonight Show" in the '80's.  When Carson vacated the "Tonight Show" throne in '93, everyone was expecting Letterman to get the gig but it instead went to The Chin, who ruled it with an iron first for almost 17 years.  Letterman bounced to CBS and made history of his own, but his bitterness and anger towards Leno at the time (and even showing flashes of it now) is eerily similar to a certain pale skinned red-headed Irishman by the name of Conan O'Brien.

Let me go out of my way and say Conan is the fuckin' man.  I watched Late Night with Conan O'Brien  RELIGIOUSLY through high school and the early part of my college days.  From the early days with Andy Richter, to the Masturbating Bear and the Coked Up Werewolf, Conan spoke directly to my sense of humor.  His random, off kilter style that was shown brilliantly during his time as a writer on The Simpsons was a breath of fresh air when compared to the tame, family friendly garbage that Leno was providing.  Leno may have worked for the baby boomer and older crowd, used to the cheesy comedy stylings of yesteryear from people like Milton Berle, Bob Hope and the like.  But it was the 2000's baby.  People liked their comedy smarter, edgier and wiser.  Mr. O'Brien provides that in spades.  Shit, ya know the whole Chuck Norris craze? You can pretty much credit that to Conan O'Brien, as he was the first to truly lampoon Walker, Texas Ranger and bring it back to the public conscience.  Here, take a peek:

Conan & Walker Texas Ranger (Live on Conan Jan 4th 2008)
Uploaded by nono_the_bean. - Click for more funny videos.

Anyway, by now we all know the story...back in 2004, Conan signed a deal declaring that he would be taking over the "Tonight Show" in 2009.  Jay Leno would step aside gracefully and all would be right with the world....except it wasn't.  In 2008, almost at the 11th hour, it was announced Leno would in fact be getting his own primetime show, five nights a week, from 10-11.  But it was gonna be like, so totally different from the "Tonight Show" so don't worry, Conan.  Except, motherfucker...IT WAS THE EXACT SAME THING.  Sure, they stretched out the monologue and added a few more ridiculous skits to pad time, but there was Kevin "I'm a Stooge Ass Uncle Tom Who Laughs at Anything" Eubanks, and the set looked similar, and there were still guests...if I didn't know any better, this was just "The Tonight Show" but airing at an earlier hour so the aging geriatrics who enjoy Leno's humor didn't have to stay up later anymore.  And they sure didn't because Conan's ratings went right into the toilet.  But so did Leno's...because people had no desire to watch a comedy program of that nature five nights a week in that timeslot.  That time was usually reserved for "Law and Order" or powerhouse shows like "ER".  People like their comedy and talk in the late night hour...so not only did Leno bomb, Conan took a bullet because of it as well.

So what does NBC do?  Why, what any other cash-strapped major network would do: panic and try to put things back the way they used to be.  This in turn means giving Conan O'Brien the old shaft right up the cornhole.  I am not gonna break it down for your blow by blow, as if you are taking the time to read this, you probably have a vested interest in the proceedings and don't need the backstory.  But the skinny of it is that Leno is going back to 11:35, and Conan is the odd man out.  The entertainment world has been rocked by these developments, and the vast majority have joined Team Conan (yours truly included, although I consider myself an original member). 

Stepping to the plate for Conan is the wild-card.  The third wheel, if you will, in all this.  I'm talking about Mr. Jimmy Kimmel.  Jimmy is a helluva guy, a genuine nice guy.  I read an article on him in Playboy a year or so ago, and he is a caring, real individual who enjoys sports, cooking, and being with friends and family.  The type of guy who would give you the shirt off his back.  Plus he is funny as hell and at one time (perhaps still is?) was banging Sarah Silverman.  For those not familiar with Ms. Silverman, soak this in for a second:

That's a hot Jew.

First, Kimmel fired a shot by impersonating and lampooning Leno for entire episode of his late night program.  The next night, Jay had Kimmel on an episode of his show on the "Ten at Ten" segment.  Things seemed to be going smoothly until Kimmel squeezed in a few well-placed digs at Jay that had Leno and the audience squirming.  It's pretty obvious that Jay Leno is not winning many new supporters, and that being exposed as the politicking, back-door dealing backstabber he is is leaving a sour taste in a lot of people's mouths.  Here's Kimmel laying into Jay on last night's show:

So where does this leave Conan?  My hopes is that he quits NBC and goes elsewhere.  There had been talk of him moving to FOX but apparently those rumors were squashed.  Seems the NBC brass are now angling to keep O'Brien off the air for the next three years until his contract expires.  Smart move on their part as it seems one way or another they will have to pay Conan the remainder of his contract, and obviously, they wouldn't want to do so as he works for a competing network.  If I was Conan I would go to Comedy Central and try to bolster their comedy line-up.  Could you imagine the triple-threat of Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Conan O'Brien?  It's a comedy nerds wet dream, and I think would be amazing.  However, Conan is used to that network TV money, so it's a safe bet he stays on one of the major networks.


At the end of the day, this drama has provided everyone with some great comedy and intrigue.  Hell, the ratings for Conan's show have gone through the roof in light of this.  Perhaps it's all a big publicity stunt? Nah...I would like to think not, but how cool would it be if it was?  In closing, I just wanna say to Mr. Leno, your comedic style was outdated ten years ago, you are a relic of a bygone era.  You have failed to adapt with the times, yet cannot let go of your spot and let the next generation through.  You remind me of someone like Hulk Hogan or Ric Flair, an old dinosaur who refuses to let go of the limelight and dies a slow, painful, unfunny death right before our eyes.  Take your "Headlines" and go "Jaywalk" into oncoming traffic...your behavior is despicable.


VIVA LA CONAN!!

Turn the Page

So what have I been up to?  I kinda went off the grid the past week or so due to some shit in my life that, thankfully, I overestimated.  I was curious if I had a health problem or a disease or something, as I haven't been feeling quite up to par.  Pain in my feet, my left knee has a huge lump over it that seems to cause me much discomfort some days, and almost unnoticeable others.  Couple that with the general apathy I have towards my day to day grindings, and you have a pretty potent "sad panda" cocktail.  So I do what I usually do in times of duress and burrow into my mind and disappear for a little while to sort things out.  After some soul searching and resting I came to some pretty interesting conclusions, and watched some good movies (have to tie in the pop culture aspect of this blog somehow, right?).  So let's get down to some good ol' fashioned musings shall we?

I came to realize that the world is quickly decaying.  In the past ten years, hell, even five years, I've seen drastic and unsettling changes.  My beloved music and print industries are decaying and becoming obsolete.  Lord knows my main talent has always been a knack with the pen or quick with a rhyme or melody.  Regardless of how you feel about my childish bullshit rap music from high school, I matured into a pretty prolific, introspective artists.  But the ruination and corruption of the industry I once was obsessed with and dreamed of being a part of ripped that part of my heart out pretty much for good.  Nobody buys music anymore...and the music that does sell is mass-marketed, easily consumable drivel.  Not unlike the employer I currently work for.  It's easy shit that people don't have to think about...being a one hit wonder is actually something people vie for now.  The days of real artists and complete albums is virtually over.  At least as far as mainstream goes...but how long will these great indie acts really stick around if there is no money to be had?  Before we know it, there will be no songs left to be heard.

Then I see magazines and books being eschewed in favor of the internet.  Now, look, guilty as charged.  I spend quite a bit of time online and shit, look at me, I am writing a blog of my own.  But the days of print are coming to a close.  And truthfully, why would there be a need to pay writers? Reporters? Every Joe Blow has a blog, vlog or a website nowadays.  News and insight and everything is available to us instantaneously, and everyone now has their chance to voice their opinion.  It's sad to see the two things I valued so much basically wither away to nothing. 

I worry about what there is gonna be in the future for my siblings and nieces.  The days of becoming a do-it-yourself millionaire seem to be over.  The dot.com  boom has long since come and gone.  The stock market or other investments? Laughable.  I remember like, five or six years ago, getting your real estate license and being a decent salesman seemed to be the fast way to making some good coin.  Now everything is in foreclosure or selling for fractions of it's actual worth.  With the government encroaching further and further into day-to-day business, what is going to be left?  Is there any idea out there that hasn't been done that someone could strike gold with?  The American Dream has become a nightmare...

So where does that leave me?  Stuck at that crossroads in the purgatory of "what you have made of your life" with "what society expects of your life".  I've come to the conclusion that, this is what it is.  I have made my bed, and lie in it I shall.  Certainly didn't expect to end up where I am, but who ever does?  In my eyes, it's a letdown...a failure.  But at the same time, it's a triumph, compared to some of the shit I have been thru.  But when I see my sister married with kids, and my friends all marrying and have good careers, and me having interest in none of it for myself, I wonder what it is that I did wrong, or why I think that way?  Why do I relish being alone, disliking most everyone?  Why do I find joy in bitterness and seclusion?  I don't know, but people may look at me like I'm depressed or angry.  But truth be told, my bitterness and willingness to remove myself from "normal society" has made me happier than I have ever been.  No longer do I have to run with trends, put up with people who pretend to like me, deal with evil, heartless women or be involved with any of this nonsensical, unintelligent bullshit that society just accepts as a good way of living.  I sit back and watch people become dumber, more ignorant, and just plain lazy.  And I revel in the fact that I am nothing like you.  So at this crossroads of my life, while many may look at me as a lost cause or a failure, I am happier in my own seclusion than any of you preening motherfuckers who have to deal with the pressure of the way of life you hold as the "right" one.

On a lighter note, I watched the movie "500 Days of Summer" and man, what a homerun on all accounts.  Beautifully directed and filmed, well-acted and the script--perfect.  If you have ever been in a relationship, in love or wanted more from someone you just couldn't have, you will love and relate to this movie.  Easily the most realistic and relatable look at love I have ever seen in my life.  Go see it now, or live to regret it.  Hoping to catch "Youth in Revolt" sometime next week, so if all goes to plan, we should be back to normal on here by then.  Thanks for bearing with me.  It will be well worth the ride.

This and That to Kick off 2010

It's been a little while since I have posted anything so I feel almost obligated even though I haven't got much to talk about.  The holidays came and went with a whimper, and already it's back to just slumming it along with my daily routine.  Got to see some family and friends and get a few days away from the workplace, but overall it was quite anti-climactic. 

Seeing as this blog mainly focuses on pop culture stuff, and I don't feel inspired enough to talk about one particular topic in great length at the moment, here's a quick rundown of some of the shit I have seen/listened to/enjoyed recently and my unadulterated thoughts on the subject:

Ke$ha, Animal:  After proclaiming her the next big thing in pop music over the summer, her song "Tik Tok" finally blew up over the past month or two.  Well, her full length album finally dropped today and after having a week or so to mull over it, I gotta say if you were expecting mindless dance pop mixed with some shitty white girl rapping, then Ke$ha delivers in spades.  Most of the tunes feature catchy hooks, despite the subject matter being the same throughout.  I gotta give Ke$ha credit for pretty much just sticking with what works and not trying to branch out and try anything that could be perceived as a stretch.  She knows her limitations, and sticks to them.  If Lady Gaga is too high concept for you and Fergie too mature, then Ke$ha will satisfy your needs perfectly.  Songs to download:  "Tik Tok", "Your Love is My Drug", "Blah Blah Blah" (featuring 30H3) and "Kiss N Tell". 

Sherlock Holmes-  Got a chance to check this out on New Year's Day with my buddies Gavin, Jared and Michelle.  Probably due to the ridiculously late night I had beforehand, the dim lights and comfy chair of the theater caused me to doze off for about ten minutes in the midst of this highly entertaining and engaging film.  Robert Downey Jr. knocks it out of the park as Holmes, bringing an eccentric and just below over-the-top version of Sherlock Holmes to the big screen.  Jude Law plays the straight man as Dr. Watson, but he shines as well.  The blatantly gay undertones to the Holmes-Watson partnership was a bit puzzling at times, and I'm not sure what they were going with.  I wish I hadn't fallen asleep as I missed out on a couple big clues, but the action/fight sequences were awesome, as were the sets and costumes.   The big reveal at the end sets up the inevitable sequel nicely, and I am looking forward to a well-rested second viewing of this movie.  Not quite as good as Avatar but definitely worth your time and effot.  RATING:  3 out 4.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel:  Cute/awesome title aside, this movie let me down BIG TIME.  I was a huge Chipmunk fan as a youngster.  I enjoyed the cartoon series and the animated movie where they had to travel the globe searching for the dolls.  I remember a particularly touching musical number involving a baby penguin as well.  Well, fast forward to a couple years ago when the first Alvin movie bum-rushed the movie going public.  I was not expecting much from it, but enjoyed the hell out of it on DVD so when they announced the sequel (or squeakquel) I decided I'd rep for the 'Munks and show up at the theater this time.  In the world's of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Big..mistake."  This movie marks the "live action" debut of the Chipettes (Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette), the female counterparts of the Chipmunks.  The movie centers around evil music exec Ian Hawke (a hilarious David Cross) trying to manipulate the Chipettes to bring about the demise of the Chipmunks.  If your IQ is over 5, you will probably be able to figure out how the movie ends.  Despite a severe lack of Jason Lee as Dave Seville, the movie has a few cool segments (the musical numbers are always good, and the Theodore "Dutch Oven" sequence made me laugh out loud).  The problem is the movie is about 84 minutes long, and rushes along at a breakneck pace, and overall I felt like they skimped in certain areas making the movie a pretty big letdown.  Maybe if I waited for DVD or downloaded it illegally I woulda enjoyed it more...but for $8, I expected so much more.  RATING:  2 out 4