So what have I been up to? I kinda went off the grid the past week or so due to some shit in my life that, thankfully, I overestimated. I was curious if I had a health problem or a disease or something, as I haven't been feeling quite up to par. Pain in my feet, my left knee has a huge lump over it that seems to cause me much discomfort some days, and almost unnoticeable others. Couple that with the general apathy I have towards my day to day grindings, and you have a pretty potent "sad panda" cocktail. So I do what I usually do in times of duress and burrow into my mind and disappear for a little while to sort things out. After some soul searching and resting I came to some pretty interesting conclusions, and watched some good movies (have to tie in the pop culture aspect of this blog somehow, right?). So let's get down to some good ol' fashioned musings shall we?
I came to realize that the world is quickly decaying. In the past ten years, hell, even five years, I've seen drastic and unsettling changes. My beloved music and print industries are decaying and becoming obsolete. Lord knows my main talent has always been a knack with the pen or quick with a rhyme or melody. Regardless of how you feel about my childish bullshit rap music from high school, I matured into a pretty prolific, introspective artists. But the ruination and corruption of the industry I once was obsessed with and dreamed of being a part of ripped that part of my heart out pretty much for good. Nobody buys music anymore...and the music that does sell is mass-marketed, easily consumable drivel. Not unlike the employer I currently work for. It's easy shit that people don't have to think about...being a one hit wonder is actually something people vie for now. The days of real artists and complete albums is virtually over. At least as far as mainstream goes...but how long will these great indie acts really stick around if there is no money to be had? Before we know it, there will be no songs left to be heard.
Then I see magazines and books being eschewed in favor of the internet. Now, look, guilty as charged. I spend quite a bit of time online and shit, look at me, I am writing a blog of my own. But the days of print are coming to a close. And truthfully, why would there be a need to pay writers? Reporters? Every Joe Blow has a blog, vlog or a website nowadays. News and insight and everything is available to us instantaneously, and everyone now has their chance to voice their opinion. It's sad to see the two things I valued so much basically wither away to nothing.
I worry about what there is gonna be in the future for my siblings and nieces. The days of becoming a do-it-yourself millionaire seem to be over. The dot.com boom has long since come and gone. The stock market or other investments? Laughable. I remember like, five or six years ago, getting your real estate license and being a decent salesman seemed to be the fast way to making some good coin. Now everything is in foreclosure or selling for fractions of it's actual worth. With the government encroaching further and further into day-to-day business, what is going to be left? Is there any idea out there that hasn't been done that someone could strike gold with? The American Dream has become a nightmare...
So where does that leave me? Stuck at that crossroads in the purgatory of "what you have made of your life" with "what society expects of your life". I've come to the conclusion that, this is what it is. I have made my bed, and lie in it I shall. Certainly didn't expect to end up where I am, but who ever does? In my eyes, it's a letdown...a failure. But at the same time, it's a triumph, compared to some of the shit I have been thru. But when I see my sister married with kids, and my friends all marrying and have good careers, and me having interest in none of it for myself, I wonder what it is that I did wrong, or why I think that way? Why do I relish being alone, disliking most everyone? Why do I find joy in bitterness and seclusion? I don't know, but people may look at me like I'm depressed or angry. But truth be told, my bitterness and willingness to remove myself from "normal society" has made me happier than I have ever been. No longer do I have to run with trends, put up with people who pretend to like me, deal with evil, heartless women or be involved with any of this nonsensical, unintelligent bullshit that society just accepts as a good way of living. I sit back and watch people become dumber, more ignorant, and just plain lazy. And I revel in the fact that I am nothing like you. So at this crossroads of my life, while many may look at me as a lost cause or a failure, I am happier in my own seclusion than any of you preening motherfuckers who have to deal with the pressure of the way of life you hold as the "right" one.
On a lighter note, I watched the movie "500 Days of Summer" and man, what a homerun on all accounts. Beautifully directed and filmed, well-acted and the script--perfect. If you have ever been in a relationship, in love or wanted more from someone you just couldn't have, you will love and relate to this movie. Easily the most realistic and relatable look at love I have ever seen in my life. Go see it now, or live to regret it. Hoping to catch "Youth in Revolt" sometime next week, so if all goes to plan, we should be back to normal on here by then. Thanks for bearing with me. It will be well worth the ride.
